He Used to be Mine

“Breakin’ up is hard to do.”

I don’t like writing about my relationships but I think breaking a record for longest relationship after having a series of one and two month flings for the last four years says something positive about my love life.

There is hope. It is possible to love again and again. I can love and I can be loved back.

Albeit only 8 months, my recent relationship has been my longest. My other longest relationship was merely half a year. Along the way, I’ve learned so much about myself: my flaws, my strengths, what makes me happy, and what I do to make my boyfriend happy as well.

I’ve compared how different I am as a single man and a man in a relationship and I realize that even though it wasn’t visible, I’ve put the relationship first many times which places my goals and aspirations second. But what do I want more? A relationship or to be successful in my career and health? Can both be accomplished at the same time?

I can only do my best. I can only take it one day at a time, live in the moment, and not worry what I’m doing right or wrong. If he thinks I’m doing something wrong in the relationship, it shouldn’t be his responsibility to change me. It should be my choice to change or improve and if I can’t do that, then he accepts me or he must move on to someone else who is doing it right. But he has every right to bring it up in the first place for a cordial discussion and not in an argument. Constant arguing isn’t normal in a relationship, no matter who says it is. And, trust should be given freely until broken.

I am not a love doctor or a therapist. Those are just my thoughts. You will love again and you will be loved again. Don’t fret.

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On Turning 30

My name is Brian.

I turned 30 on July, 31, 2015. (Side note: I happen to share a birthday with author and fabulous person, J. K. Rowling, and her literary hero, Harry Potter. Harry turned 35 on the same date.) Externally, I was fine exiting my 20’s. I kept a smile on my face the whole day, but panic swelled internally. That was until I was surrounded by friends on the night of my birthday, full of alcohol, and content with my surroundings.

Still, the next morning I was filled with depression. (I was 60 in gay years. I could never show my face on dating apps again. Just kidding.) Now 30, I had a job as an Administrative Assistant for the San Antonio Aquarium, an interactive touch-tank aquarium that took over the abandoned location of a car lot. (After opening in December 2014, it received unsatisfactory reviews for opening unfinished.) I was also single, living with a roommate, overweight, and living paycheck-to-paycheck.

Well, I’m still single, living with a roommate, and overweight. BUT!

I was recently offered a better job; a career actually. I am now the Social Media Manager for an advertising agency. With a pay increase, that solved two of my post-30 problems. I handle multiple social media accounts and write blogs for our client’s websites. And that’s all I’ve really wanted in a career, to express myself creatively in writing.

I have bigger goals, of course, as everyone should. I would love to write for episodic television and sell screenplays, but baby-steps. If an Emmy and/or Oscar come along with that writing career, then great. It’s highly possible and I know it is because all I had to do to get my current career was change my attitude.

In 2014, I worked at a life insurance company and hated it so much! I sold life policies to older people, and occasionally, had to hear of their passing and get complaints that the insurance money was never received. Back then, I lived with two straight men, who were semi-dirty roomies and one owned a dog that was kennel training. The bitch escaped almost always, trashing everything, and making me regret my decision of moving out of my parent’s house.

So I decided to take a yoga class at the neighborhood Gold’s Gym. At the end of the class, we meditated for 15 minutes. IT CHANGED MY LIFE! I learned more about meditation, discovered the whole being-positive thing, realized my life wasn’t that awful, and finally my life began to change. It got better, as the gays say.

This is where this website comes in. My life isn’t perfect. Listen up, no one’s is. I decided to blog about my life in hopes of helping some other gay, fat, Hispanic, and poor soul. These blogs will be filled with stories, some with advice, and who knows what else. We’ll know when we get there. I hope you stick with me. Others won’t be this long, I promise.

Oh, I also review movies. You know, when I feel like it.

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